Sunday, June 06, 2004

summer camp

my friend went to summer camp once. he got sick and went to the nurse. he was hanging out on the porch on the nurse's cabin with another kid. he noticed that kid was eating something (a Baby Ruth). he asked him where he got it from, when the kid responded "the barn", then my friend threw up and shit in his pants at the same time...true story.

Sunday, May 30, 2004

end of the world, etc.

after a viewing of "the day after tomorrow" i was in deep thought. could the world end like this? well, the simple solution is NOPE. no it cannot. why, you ask. well simple. all these so called brainiac scientist are saying we are over using the natural resources, polluting too much, cutting down all the trees, etc. sounds like we are in a tough spot eh. my theory of how we are going to avoid this is as follows(first, a short history lesson). way back in the 1930s and 1940s there was this war. in fact, it was a pretty darn big war if you ask me. pretty much all the people of the world ages 18-24 were in it. when the war was over and they settled back home in the late 1940s they all started families. this was known as the baby boom. well now it's the 2000s, earth is going down etc. those baby boomers are now in there late 50s and either have retired or are planning to do so soon. well, what's every retired persons favorite thing to do? GARDEN!!! just think of all the new planet saving shrubs that are about to be unleashed on the evil CO and CO2 gases. DIE MOTHER *&@! In conclusion nukes will probably save us in the end.

Friday, May 28, 2004

hoo wha??

grape, strawberry, it's all good. stog it up and shoot a stick, almost win. hookah, hookah, say what?! all i really want is some cookies. graduation, tomorrow. shit. we're lost.

Thursday, May 27, 2004

what a day

so yeah, isn't it. i mean i wake up at 8:30 cause i'm like a cool kid and all, infact i'm so cool i went to school. then they are all like "what up punk" which i'm down with. before i know it red rooster told me you best be headin to section A, so i'm like yeah i'll catch you on the flip side. then they are like "punk, section A is on the right". ok. i can dig it. row 2, ztgh. then seat 15. sit dar 'bout 2 hours. now i'm done with all the school crap seniors have to go do. other then that graduation stuff. anyhow, 13-11 later that night aint bad. and then i topped it off with a pepsi. INCOMPREHENSIBILITIES it might just be. then my dog licked my shoe. the END. you're the man...NOW
oh i also got an 85 on that POS english paper (see last blog). dog...

Wednesday, May 26, 2004

breaking down my last school project

i was assigned to make a memory book for senior english this year. people made all kinds of neat little scrap books, with all the works; pretty ribbons, pictures, wonderful well thought out stories of their existence. i took a different approach, my goal was to knock this 11 page bitch out in 2 hours. how could he do this you ask! well it was quite simple, i can even teach you how, but first you have to admit one thing. your life is boring as hell and no one in their right mind would want to hear about it. so i just made crap up. let me show you an example. here is my first page, you'll also notice that it isn't a page at all. i used a huge font for the title, i used size 13 font, not 12, and i use 2.4 spacing not 2. here are the results.

My parents are both from Mos Eisley and their parents before them were. (Mos Eisley is a city in the original Star Wars: A New Hope) My grandpa served in the army during World War II and worked for a steel company. (this was actually true) My dad followed in his footsteps and joined the navy when he was 18 and served in a submarine for 3 years. (no, no, no, all lies, first the sentence above doesn't even say anything about navy, it says ARMY, second, he went to south-west Louisiana state college when he was 17 and 18) My moms parents owned a store that sold all types of things. (well it was a grocey store) Her dad lost one of his eyes when he was a kid due to a shoveling accident, when he worked for a company that put telephone wires in the ground. (both eyes are still working fine and he never worked for a company like that) My moms favorite game when she was a kid was baseball, however she never had enough money to go to a store and purchase a ball. (must i say anything) So she had to find a nice round rock and tie a slice of bread to it. (now i'm getting descriptive with my bullshit) This turned into a problem because if the ball got wet it fell apart. (it would, wouldn't it?) Also, if they left it outside birds would come and eat it. (see last comment) Then my parents met, got married, and had my brother Kyle Miller Alexander, but we all call him Ksharp. (his name is adam, and ksharp one of the best counter-strike players in the history of e-gaming) Ksharp was born with a defect in his arm and it later had to be amputated. (nope) He is still very good at video games and golf, however he could never jump rope very well. (i know a guy that knows a guy with one arm and is hoss at halo, but he said he can't throw grenades cause it's the left trigger)

other pages were either stuff from my homie david's memory book or from other papers i've written in my 12 years of school, slighty modified.

who gets the last laugh?

was it worth it? i mean, really. all you studiers out there, that study atleast 2-3 hours a night and get 9 hours of sleep. guess what, i don't study (atleast up to my senior year in high school). i'm still going to graduate, i'm still in the top 1/3 of my class, i'm still going to the college of my choice. so, lets break this biatch down, on an average day i'd say i have about 5 extra hours in the day because i don't sleep and don't study. now, i'm going to use my SELF TAUGHT math skills to break this down for you studiers. i'm not sure on the exact number but lets say half the days of a year are school days. 365/2. i'll round up. 183. ok. now lets times that by the average amount of hours more in a day i have than a studier. 5*183. 915 hours. now. i've been in school for 12 years, so lets times that by 12. 10980 hours of my life, lets break that down. divide it by 24...457.5 days. OR 1.253 years. of course to a studier that gets 9 hours of sleep, a day is only 24-9=15 hours long, so you can pretty much times that by 2. thus i've come to the conclusion that i am now 20 years old. you slackers...

Tuesday, May 25, 2004

mavs offseason

almost everyone i've come in contact with knows i'm a dallas mavericks fan (they play basketball), i mean, what not to love? the high scoring, hair flying, mid west gunners we've all come to enjoy watching (yes you have!). but alas, my high hopes of this season were shattered by the terrorist Vlade and his cronies Mini Me, that puppy eyed failure, and that pussy whipped swash buckler. so here are my offseason plans to bring the mavs to the glory days of 60+ wins.
1. Re-sign Nash and Daniels
2. Fire the coach
3. Trade Walker
4. After Kobe goes to jail Cuban pays the government around a billion dollars to release him (of course they will use some random cop as a scape goat and blame sloppy police work or some bs like that to get him out)
5. Get Jordan to un-retire and join the mavs line up
6. Also get Bird, Magic, and Barkley
7. Kill Tariq Abdul-Wahab (to create room for them)
8. Make Shawn Bradley taller
9. Trade for every pick in the 2004-2010 drafts, all of them
10. Just Kidding! (only about Barkley)

Thursday, May 20, 2004

almost here

it's getting close to summer, have fun, be safe, and don't get PNEUMONOULTRAMICROSCOPICSILICOVOLCANOCONIOSIS. OK!

Wednesday, May 19, 2004

life

i am reminded of a story my brother told me. he was a freshman at college and walking back to his dorm room after a long hard day of class. as he got to the door, to his amazement he found a dollar folded on the ground. well like most people in the world he went and picked that dollar up. upon further inspection he noticed the dollar was covered in shit. yes. that. which brings me to my point, the escalator is the greatest invention man as made because if it breaks it turns into stairs. aint we all just puppets to society?

Monday, May 17, 2004

has it come to this?

berry clear sprite remix! if i wanted berry sprite i would have dumped a pack of wild berry skittles in my sprite and shook it up, not only do you get the nice crisp taste of amazonian fruits with every sip but you as get the rock hard shell-less skittle "nuggets" that taste like mentos at the bottom of your drink, thus providing a tasty after dinner candy. SPRITE NUBS

my first blogging

owch! yeah does this even work? test. ~mang