Wednesday, May 26, 2004

breaking down my last school project

i was assigned to make a memory book for senior english this year. people made all kinds of neat little scrap books, with all the works; pretty ribbons, pictures, wonderful well thought out stories of their existence. i took a different approach, my goal was to knock this 11 page bitch out in 2 hours. how could he do this you ask! well it was quite simple, i can even teach you how, but first you have to admit one thing. your life is boring as hell and no one in their right mind would want to hear about it. so i just made crap up. let me show you an example. here is my first page, you'll also notice that it isn't a page at all. i used a huge font for the title, i used size 13 font, not 12, and i use 2.4 spacing not 2. here are the results.

My parents are both from Mos Eisley and their parents before them were. (Mos Eisley is a city in the original Star Wars: A New Hope) My grandpa served in the army during World War II and worked for a steel company. (this was actually true) My dad followed in his footsteps and joined the navy when he was 18 and served in a submarine for 3 years. (no, no, no, all lies, first the sentence above doesn't even say anything about navy, it says ARMY, second, he went to south-west Louisiana state college when he was 17 and 18) My moms parents owned a store that sold all types of things. (well it was a grocey store) Her dad lost one of his eyes when he was a kid due to a shoveling accident, when he worked for a company that put telephone wires in the ground. (both eyes are still working fine and he never worked for a company like that) My moms favorite game when she was a kid was baseball, however she never had enough money to go to a store and purchase a ball. (must i say anything) So she had to find a nice round rock and tie a slice of bread to it. (now i'm getting descriptive with my bullshit) This turned into a problem because if the ball got wet it fell apart. (it would, wouldn't it?) Also, if they left it outside birds would come and eat it. (see last comment) Then my parents met, got married, and had my brother Kyle Miller Alexander, but we all call him Ksharp. (his name is adam, and ksharp one of the best counter-strike players in the history of e-gaming) Ksharp was born with a defect in his arm and it later had to be amputated. (nope) He is still very good at video games and golf, however he could never jump rope very well. (i know a guy that knows a guy with one arm and is hoss at halo, but he said he can't throw grenades cause it's the left trigger)

other pages were either stuff from my homie david's memory book or from other papers i've written in my 12 years of school, slighty modified.

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